did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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