I need to stop coming to work sober
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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