Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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