do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
