after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
