I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
