After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
soo... how was my night?
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