thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
