The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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