i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
