I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's always time for handjobs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
