The best revenge is premature balding
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
