ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
