I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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