Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
