the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
