I met the friendliest cop last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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