Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
