My first STD was from a foam party
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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