You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
