I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
