im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
