Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
