i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
