did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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