just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
