and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
