If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
