Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
