either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
