what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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