First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
