This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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