found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
