thus making me awesome and them whores
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
