Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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