I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
