I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
