i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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