The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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