omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
