just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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