I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
