i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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