WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
