I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Small penises have feelings too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
