Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
