He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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