I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
