piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
