At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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